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Posts Tagged ‘ice cream’

Somebody sideswiped my car in a parking lot recently. Not a lot of damage, but a lot of stress. Now you get to share.

It’s funny how writing can be compared to so many other things in life, baseball, commuting, sexice cream … and now car accidents. I guess this is because fiction deals with all aspects of life. (More likely it’s because writing is an endeavor so fraught with problems that everyone can relate.)

  1. You never know when something’s going to hit you. It might be a phrase, an idea, or an SUV. You never know.
  2. Once it happens, the results are unimaginable. Which is strange, because writing is imagination. But will it become a story? Will it sell? Will your insurance go up?
  3. Your fate is in the hands of others. You send the story to an editor. You send your car to the shop. When will they return? Who knows?
  4. You have no idea who’s going to pay whom. Will the editor pay you? Will your insurance pay you? Or was all of this some expensive mistake?
  5. Where it all ends up is a mystery. Maybe the editor will publish you. Maybe the editor will reject you. Maybe you’ll get your car back. Maybe it will be totaled. See item nos. 2 and 3.
  6. You will wonder if it’s all worth it. Should you give it up? Should you take the bus?
  7. It will give you an idea. Maybe you should write about a man who has an accident. Maybe you should write about a man who decides to take the bus. Maybe you should write about a man who becomes a bus driver!
  8. You realize that this random event has given you an idea that  you weren’t expecting. You re-read item no. 1.
  9. You realize there is no escape. Accidents will happen. Editors will reject you.
  10. You resolve to do better next time. You will watch the cross-traffic. You will observe the traffic lights. You will avoid the omniscient viewpoint and the present tense.

Bonus: Having an accident and writing a story have this in common: You will never forget what it felt like.

#SFWApro

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You knew it would come to this. At least you knew it if you know me. My friends are all well aware of the dangers of allowing me anywhere near The Perfect Dessert, as I like to call it. (I also like to call it The Perfect Breakfast, but that’s a story for another time. Maybe tomorrow morning.)

So it was only a matter of time before my two greatest passions* collided in one great, frozen blog post. Like chocolate and peanut butter, they meld into a delicious amalgam. At least, they’d better, or this is going to be a short essay.

  1. The smoother they are, the more they are considered “premium.”
  2. Both are best served cold and allowed to melt on the tongue.
  3. They come in hundreds of flavors, and each has its fans.
  4. They come packaged in all sizes, and you can dole them out as you choose.
  5. Although you can get them pretty much anywhere, specialty stores carry the most varieties.
  6. Each is made to be “devoured.”
  7. You can carry a small one in your hand and consume it as you walk, although care must be taken.
  8. Both will expand you: one your waistline, the other your mind.
  9. You may find either one by guys named Ben, and Jerry.
  10. The best will always leave you wanting more.

And the bonus reason writing is like ice cream: If you’ve ever tried eating that freeze-dried astronaut ice cream, it tastes like paper.

*No, I didn’t include my wife, because she’s in a class by herself.

#SFWApro

 

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