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For two days only, the ebook version of the first part of my Alien House duology–appropriately titled Alien House, is available for free on Amazon.

Phil was given an Earth name by his high-ranking father with the expectation that he would someday lead the invasion of our planet. But when something goes wrong, nine-year-old Phil is bundled onto a starship in the middle of the night and sent into space on an eight-year journey through the stars. When he arrives he’ll be 17 and ready for college.

But his ship has been sabotaged. Barely managing a crash-landing in a mountain lake, he’s lost his weapons, his papers–and his clothes. Now alone, hungry (he’s 17), and naked, he has to set himself up with a cover identity, blend with the natives, and find a place to live. He can do this. He’s trained for it all his life.

Yeah, well… It’s hard to blend in when you’ve been labelled the “Wild Man of the Woods,” and as for a place to live, well, technically Alpha Tau Ceti fraternity is a “house”…in the loose sense of the word. And its inhabitants are college students, in the loose sense of the word.

Now Phil’s navigating classes, pledge duties, sexy professors, and a nosey dean, the local sorority girls are after him to see if the rumors are true, and somebody’s gunning for him with a laser.

Sure, college is supposed to be a challenge, but this is not what he was expecting.

Available free on February 21 and 22.

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Alien House, my recollection of my college days and how one lowly frat boy (who happened to be from outer space) learned about girls, became the Wild Man of Newton College, and fought an alien invasion, is available for free on Kindle today through Sunday.

If you disagree with my version of events, then you are welcome to write your own. But will it be this funny?

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As I’ve mentioned, I’ve written a few serials that have appeared on the Kindle Vella app. One of those is now complete, the story of a boy who is sent to Earth on a spaceship, lands in Kansas, and is raised by a kindly farm couple to grow up to be–oh, wait, wrong alien.

No, my story Alien House is about Phil, an invasion scout who crash-lands on Earth after his ship is sabotaged. Without weapons, resources, or documents, he must assume his identity as a normal college student and try to help prepare for the fleet that will follow him. But it’s hard to maintain a “normal” life when you’ve pledged the campus’ least popular fraternity, the dean of students is hunting for UFOs, and your own people are shooting at you with laser pistols. And girls. Why didn’t someone warn him…?

The first three episodes of all Kindle Vella serials are free. Here is the first episode of Alien House:

Alien House

“Someday, son, that will all be yours—assuming the Terrans don’t blow it up first.”

The planet Earth swung lazily in sharp 3-D over Philip’s father’s conference table, water falling intermittently from the cloud cover over one of the northern continents. A simple gesture would have drawn the image so close in that you could smell the rain. Philip thought he might like to—if he was going to live there, he might as well know what he was up against—but he was afraid his father would disapprove, the way he disapproved of at least half the things Philip did.

“Do you think they might?” he asked, not sure if it would make his job easier or harder.

“It’s possible,” his father admitted. “I certainly hope not, but this image is twelve years old, and twelve years ago they’d just discovered how to detonate nuclear fissiles. In fact, if you pull in that section there—” he indicated a spot on the eastern coast of the largest land mass—”you can see some of the explosions from one of their wars. I don’t know why anybody who lives on such a beautiful planet is so angry all the time.”

The building shook slightly, underscoring his words. Philip jumped, but his father’s gaze didn’t leave the model.

“A 2.1,” he said for his son’s benefit. “I’ve felt bigger impacts before breakfast.”

He said nothing else, but Philip knew his nervous reaction to the meteor strike was one of those things of which his father disapproved. He was only nine, but he had long ago recognized that his father held high standards. Philip turned his attention back to the Earth. He had studied it all his life, knowing that from birth he had been destined to go there. His Terran name marked him as one of the saviors of Annochea, which the humans would have called Alpha Tau Ceti, if they had known it existed. Philip smiled. They would know soon. As soon as Philip’s suitability rating came back, he’d be on his way there to work with the invasion force.

A soft chime summoned father and son to attention. The Earth faded away, replaced by the unsmiling face of the Prime Proctor.

There had been no words on the ride home, no recriminations. In a way it had been worse, waiting every second for the tide of condemnation, the parental disappointment. But his father had stayed silent the entire time, and now Philip lay on his bed, face buried in his pillow, pondering what he was to do with the rest of his life.

He’d failed the suitability rating. His psych-profile had scored too low in some weird category that he couldn’t even pronounce. They didn’t want him. What was he supposed to do now? Could he change his name? Would his father still want him? Would anybody ever want him—the boy with the Earth name who could never go to Earth?

“Wake up, son, we’re leaving.”

Philip blinked awake to find his father standing over him. It was dark outside the window, and somehow he knew it was very late—or very early.

“Where are we going?” he asked, already on his feet. The alertness rating test—he hadn’t failed that one.

“I pulled some strings. This wasn’t your fault; I’ve been coddling you since your mother died.” He pushed Phillip out the door and into a transfer shuttle, and it was moving the instant the door slammed shut. “It will cost me later, but you’ll be gone.”

Philip’s eyebrows shot up. He hadn’t thought his father would really throw him out…

Father, watching the outside, didn’t notice. “It’s the slow route, because we’re still at least twenty years from faster-than-light travel, but you’ll only age about eight years. You’ll fit right in when you get there.”

Faster-than-light? Eight years? He was going to—

Earth?

The shuttle came to an abrupt stop, and Father half-lifted him from his seat. He must have used his priority override to get them to the spaceport so fast–Philip began to wonder if his father had been watching their surroundings for a reason…

“Yes, son. You failed your suitability rating because I failed you, and this is the only chance either of us has to make good. You’ll be part of the scout team, evaluating Terran technology and mapping out defenses. You’ll be seventeen, legally an adult under Annochean law, so they’ll have to accept you. Your cover will be as a university student. You’ll make contact with the rest of the team once you get there. They won’t know who you are or what I’ve done, so you’ll have a chance to prove yourself. When the invasion arrives—I’ll be there to see what you’ve accomplished.”

Philip’s father hugged him, quickly and hard, then spun him around and pushed him toward an open doorway.

“There are people inside who will get you set up and see you off. Everything you need will be on your ship. Good luck, son.” Before Philip could speak, his father was back inside the transport, which swept away out of sight.

Numbly, he stumbled toward the open door and his suddenly open future. Nine years old, and he was going to be an invasion scout! Nine years old, and he was off on an interstellar space flight! Nine years old…

“…and I’m going to college!”

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